


My heart is gold and my hands are cold

by xXxClassifiedxXx



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Loki has a soft spot for kids, Loki is not a bad person, Love Confessions, M/M, Not related but still call each other brother, Possibly OOC, Post-Avengers (2012), Pseudo-Incest, Requited Love, mentions of Loki's kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 04:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13228503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxClassifiedxXx/pseuds/xXxClassifiedxXx
Summary: "I'm a superhero and you're the villain, but I saw you visiting kids at the children's hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it's really hard to punch you in the face" AU“I knew I'd be touching your face in some way, but I didn't imagine it'd be in this manner. I thought for sure I'd end up punching you in the face, but I saw you with those kids and I knew I wouldn't be able to,”





	My heart is gold and my hands are cold

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in Thorki and also my first work in almost a year. My writing is really rusty but I thought I'd try my hand at it again and here we are.  
> Leave kind comments only please and let me know if you'd like to see more.  
> Not beta-ed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own Loki or Thor but if I did, they'd be together and we wouldn't have to worry about the pseudo-incest thing

Loki liked to visit Midgard, even though it was part of his punishment for his past transgressions. He was to serve his trial in the realm in which he tried to conquer to learn about the people and show himself as someone who was not a benevolent god trying to rule them. His favorite part was going to the children's hospital, his soft spot was always for children. It made his heart ache for his own. Loki only went here for the sole purpose of showing that he really wasn't a bad person and to try and redeem himself.

He'd read to the smallest ones, gathering them together much like how Frigga would read to him and Thor when they were young. This is when he always fights back tears, knowing he wasn't able to do that with his own kids because they were separated from him before they could know what he looked like. Odin thought that Loki seeing Midgard's sick offspring was a punishment, and maybe it was in a way, but Loki saw it as anything but.

He learned humility when he'd let the children tackle him, pretending that they had taken down the evil sorcerer, just like their mighty Avengers had done. Loki had tried not to let it happen, but he found himself caring deeply for many of them. He saw them as his wards and him their protector. He would use his magic to coax along the healing process or turn around the journey that would be one way.

The teenagers were harder to gain the trust of, having been old enough to witness and understand what he did. He would tell them in a quiet voice about his own teenage years, knowing how he was always going to be the second pick for everything. There were some kids who he'd offer to let them hit him, asking if it'd make them feel better.

“It's alright. You can hit me if you want. I'm sure the whole of New York would like to,” Loki would say, eyes downcast and face open with emotions that were not often seen. He was surprised when he received a hug rather than a stinging slap.

“I'm not going to hit you. You've been hurt enough,” the girl said, making Loki smile. He hugged her back, knowing that he would be a better person.

_**~ ~ ~** _

Thor was forced to come with him this time, with neither of them being happy about it. Thor said that Odin made him come so he could make sure Loki wasn't causing undue harm. Loki clenched his fists, angry that they think so little of him. Then again, it doesn't surprise him.

“You cannot honestly believe me capable of such a thing. I have not and never will hurt children. If anything, you'd be the one not looking where you're going and well. You get the idea,” Loki said, trying not to get so worked up. Not when he was in the one place that has brought him happiness like nothing else, despite its grim purpose. Thor only glared at him, thunder rumbling in the distance indicating that Loki's words got to him. He never liked to be called a bumbling oaf.

Loki's first course of action was to see the youngest of what he dubbed as his 'brood'. They cried out happily when they saw the familiar green shirt and black pants of Loki's casual clothes and rushed to greet him. Loki smiled and crouched down to embrace the tykes, ignoring Thor's annoying presence.

“Did you all miss me?” Loki smiled when he got enthusiastic affirmations. “I was thinking we'd play a game. One where you all are the Avengers who defeat the evil villain.” Loki knew they loved this game, especially when he used his magic to make the kids look like various Avengers, albeit cuter. He spared a glance to Thor, noting his surprised expression as he watched.

The children formed into a large group before they charged at Loki, knocking into his legs. He didn't have to pretend to fall as the little Avengers were good at making him do just that. They yelled triumphantly, some sitting on his legs and another perched on his chest. This didn't bother him because it was nothing like having Mjolnir on his chest.

Thor surveyed the scene, astonished at what he was seeing. It had been so long since he'd seen Loki smile a true smile. The distrust he harbored inside him slowly dissipated, replaced with the belief that Loki had changed. He watched as Loki dropped the enchantment and summoned books that he recognized from his own childhood. Seeing Loki in this way, surrounded by children and quietly reading to them, made Thor feel a profound wave of sadness.

Thor knew of Loki's disgraced offspring, the eight-legged horse he birthed, only to be taken away and made into Odin's personal battle horse. The wolf, the serpent, and even the human ones were all taken away. Loki surely missed them, did he not? He exhibited a maternal instinct that could not be faked and Thor knew his brother was not truly evil. How could he be when he'd been forced to do the things he didn't want to. Thor felt foolish for thinking such things.

After this, they visited the teens where Loki shared his tales of growing up, even including Thor, though the latter quickly became embarrassed when Loki told of their game of hide and seek.

“We were in our mother's garden, so intricate and elaborate it was, which was why Thor and I decided to play hide and seek in it. I knew every part of the garden, having spent time here many times, but Thor did not know the layout. He quickly became lost, crying and saying that he did not wish to play any longer. I had to find him and show him the way out. That was the last time we shared each other's company,” Loki briefly looked at Thor and away again. He remembers who Thor abandoned him for. Thor left him for better friends, ones who did not trick him and play games.

Loki recalls how he felt towards his brother, not understanding the jealousy he felt when he saw Thor panting after Sif. He knew such feelings were wrong and did all he could to quash them but as he grew older, he hated Thor as much as he loved him. His shock was immediate when he learned of not being Odin's true son, that he was taken from Laufey. He didn't care much about that fact, knowing that his life growing up in Asgard was far better than what it could have been in Jotunheim, but his _relief_ at knowing that his feelings for Thor were not as wrong as he thought, was palpable. It was too late, however, to share his affections. He had already caused the damage that made Thor hate him. Then he had fallen from the Bifrost and caused the mess that landed him here. He was shaken out of his thoughts when he felt a hand lightly grip his own. He looked into Thor's eyes, shying away from the intense gaze.

“I think we are done here, yes?” Thor questioned, thumb lightly running over the back of Loki's hand. Loki, with his clever tongue, could not find a way to answer, feeling that something important was about to take place. He could only nod his head, saying his goodbyes to everyone else. He and Thor walked out to the small courtyard of the hospital, used for when the patients would be brought out for fresh air, and Loki sat down on one of the stone benches, anticipating the conversation he knew he'd be having. Thor was the first to speak.

“I know you think me to be a fool, and sometimes you are correct in that regard, but I've come to realize some things that should have been obvious to me a long time ago. It never occurred to me that my treatment of you when we were younger would have been responsible for all of our problems now. Had I never left you for the Warriors, maybe our relationship would have had a different outcome.

“I knew exactly how you felt about me and I suppose something about that had scared me and I thought that ignoring you would mean that it would extinguish any feelings. I was terrified of what it might have meant, considering we had only known each other as being brothers. I thought of you constantly as we grew up, I never wanted anyone else. I thought Sif would serve as a perfect distraction and that I could imagine it was you when I lay with her but it all felt wrong. You were always on my mind and I felt like a depraved person, knowing my feelings could never venture past my imagination,” Thor finished his speech with a sigh, avoiding eye contact with Loki, partly ashamed of the information he had divulged.

Loki's heart beat faster, piecing apart what Thor had just told him. He had felt the same, after all this time? He cleared his throat, finally finding his voice.

“I can only imagine how you felt when you found out that we weren't really related. Tell me, _brother,_ did you think of all the things you'd finally be able to do, being freed from the confines of familial bonds? Or did you hate me so much that you never considered me as a prospective partner,” Loki spat, never failing to find a way to ruin the moment. Thor gently gripped Loki's chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing Loki to look at him.

“I _never_ hated you. As much as I wanted to, after everything you did, I couldn't. All I felt was sorrow because of how things could have been different, how some things needn't have taken place. I was always drawn to your fire and your intelligence. You were never one to be told what to do, preferring to do your own thing. I could never want anyone who blindly followed me and did everything I said. I would have gladly taken you as my queen when the throne was passed to me and despite everything, I still would. Your intellect far exceeds that of our current council and Asgard would benefit from you ruling by my side.”

Loki's eyes widened, knowing what Thor was implying and it wasn't something that was taken lightly. The fact that Thor had long entertained the idea of ruling Asgard with him and still did, showed that deep down, a part of him believed that Loki could be redeemed. And this was what Loki had wanted, recognition of his worth and someone believing in him. He was far from being dependent on others but it was a heady feeling to know that his qualities were valued by someone else, someone who wouldn't seek to destroy them but instead give them a place to grow.

In lieu of speaking, Loki pressed his lips to Thor's slack ones, surprising himself in his boldness. He feared it was the wrong move to make, but his fear was assuaged when Thor pulled him closer, moving his lips against Loki's. Loki sighed into the kiss, reveling in the feeling of finally being able to do what he always wanted. Thor's beard was scratchy but Loki found that he didn't mind, willing to endure it if it meant that he could have this all the time. Loki pulled away before things could get heated, remembering that they were at a _children's hospital_. He rested his forehead on Thor's, breathing the same air and grabbed Thor's hand to interlock their fingers.

“I knew I'd be touching your face in some way, but I didn't imagine it'd be in this manner. I thought for sure I'd end up punching you in the face, but I saw you with those kids and I knew I wouldn't be able to,” Thor chuckled, squeezing Loki's hand with his larger, calloused one. Loki hesitated before he asked,

“Do... do you think that I would ever be able to see my own children again? I miss them every day and being here reminds me of what I do not have anymore.”

“I swear to you Loki, that when I'm king, I'll make sure of it. I can't imagine the pain you must experience. Father has been cruel in his ruling and I'll make it right, you'll see,” Thor promised, pressing a kiss to Loki's forehead. Loki closed his eyes and smiled, knowing Thor would make good on his word.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on Tumblr and feel free to leave a message if you would like to prompt me or just chat in general :D  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatonecrazyshipper


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